Just a little bit of me

My goals in life are as follows:

1. Be a good mom

2. Be a good wife

3. Be good in general

4. Help those less fortunate

5. Become a famous author

6. Be able to finally live comfortably wiithout worrying where money will come from (not rich, just stable)

7. Become a photographer for the less fortunate 

  Let me elaborate on 7: I wish to start my own business where I am able to take professional pictures for people during senior pictures, birth, wedding, graduation and anything in between for either a very small fee or for free. I love taking pictures, but I dont think it is fair that some people never or rarely get nice pictures to keep just because they cant afford it. 

 

I am not rich, in fact I still struggle often to pay bills. I shouldn’t waste money on things I don’t need and I try not to. When I do “splurge” I usually buy something for my husband or daughter. I don’t like to buy stuff for myself unless I need it. Since living in Las Vegas, I have spent many nights wondering if I would have power in the morning, or if my cell phone would work. We have had food stamps because we cant afford all of our bills and groceries. We literally live off the $200 we were getting from the state because sometimes checks weren’t enough to buy anymore. Especially during holidays. We are so very lucky to have family and friends, because without them, our daughter wouldn’t get much for Christmas this year with all the extra bills. 

I had this big elaborate awesome party planned for my husband for his 30th birthday, but it wont be nearly as big since we got a letter in the mail saying that we have to register our car again, right before our next check comes in. Plus here in Vegas we have to have a smog test done. 

Of the checks we get a month, we pay out on average 1,000 in bills that are monthly. That leaves anywhere from 500-800(on a goooood month) dollars to use for groceries, gas, car repairs, diapers, baby food, and recreational uses. 

Right now we have an oil leak in our car which we have the part to fix, but the repair shop is going to charge us 6-800 in labor because Pontiac decided to be a PITA and make the gasket insanely hard to get to. So we pay $10 a week toward oil to put back into the car. Plus the shocks are shot in the back, only 1 window rolls down because the last owner tried to install automatic window motors and screwed it up. We didnt know all this when we bought the car. 

On to the next issue. Direct TV apparently is allowed to take money out of your account without warning. So I had canceled it because we couldnt afford satellite and we had a bill of $300 left over. I was PLANNING on paying in small increments as soon as we could afford it, but they just kept charging our card until it went through, literally minutes after my husband’s check went through. This check was only for $500 ish dollars, and we had to pay rent in only a few days. So we had to sell some things around the house to come up with enough money for rent. Then they tell me I owe them another 250 which they take out of our account 2 weeks later with no warning again. So we had barely gotten rent paid and TADA another charge that we couldnt afford because they said we didnt return the boxes. We moved 5 months before that and had never received the shipping boxes they sent to our old residence. So I had to go get those from our friends and mail their equipment back to them. Did they refund the money? Yeah. Half of it. A month later. 

Since then, we had ok months and thought hey we can splurge a bit right now. But every time we do, it ends up kicking our butts later in one way or another.  

Solution? Cancel our old debit cards for starters, then get a new job that is more predictable. 

So we did, and slowly (like molasses in the winter slowly) we are coming back up. We only have a $58 dollar electric bill due the 15th next month after owing almost $500 because of direct tv and missing bills. Our phone bill is still outrageous, and gets shut off every single month because it’s due near the beginning of the month when rent is due. We cant afford both. 

The worst part of all is that we could have amazing credit if we suddenly came into 10,000 to completely clear all of our past debts. Since it isn’t likely that we will just happen upon a $10,000 bill, we will do our best to catch up, even if it takes us 50 years. 

Now that I am done complaining, I want to add that through all of this, though I am in debt to my ears, I am rich. I have a wonderful loving family in Illinois that helps me when they can, a beautiful baby girl who has inspired me to be my best and keep trying no matter what I’m thrown. I have a loving, supportive, caring husband who would kill anyone who tried to hurt me or our daughter (I think it’s romantic) even though he’s a teddy bear, and the best friends a girl could ask for that I miss dearly. 

I have some friends that I have never met, but I would love to some day. They keep me going and lend a supportive ear when I am struggling with personal drama, and they are the best group of mommas to admin/own a page with. I sincerely wish them the best in their endeavors and hope I can help them as much as they help me. 

I am not a negative person and I hate that my life has been filled with so much sadness and other negativity. The small bit I have expressed here is only a piece, and I may write about the other hardships eventually. For now though, I just simply want to thank each person that has made me who I am today. 

There are so many that I cant name them all here, but I am eternally grateful, even to those people who are no longer in my life because they hurt me. I am all the better for having known you, so I know who to steer clear from in the future 😉 

 

I want to help people. Someday I will be able to start my photography business and make someone’s life just a little brighter. Sorry for it being so long, but thank you for reading to those who have taken the time to read what I had to say. 

 

Signing off for now ❤ 

Cassie

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Well

It’s been a while since I posted. Addison is now crawling and I’ve had to learn to keep up with her! So now, I’m just enjoying motherhood.

Nothing grosses out mom…except that.

As a mom, you see everything. Poop, pee, puke, boogers, drool, earwax. It goes on and on. We are pretty much immune to gross bodily secretions. It is truly rare that I gag at something my daughter does.
Today was a different story. After my daughter used her last clean diaper (the other ones were in the dryer drying), I let her hang out bare butt to air dry. She had just peed and pooped only a few minutes beforehand, so I figured I would be ok until the dryer was done. It was only 15 minutes or so. So I watched her playing on the floor. After a couple minutes I look at the tv for a minute to watch Ellen talking to the audience.
Suddenly I heard grunting and look down to see a very large turd hanging out of her bottom. Gross. So I grab a wet wipe and wait for her to finish.  When I thought she was done, I stood up to dispose of the poop. Unfortunately, she wasn’t. So I again caught what she pushed out and waited a full five minutes to make sure she was done before running to the bathroom to flush the stuff. 
Now the really gross part starts. I had her laying on her mat while I ran the ten feet to the bathroom. In the 20 seconds it took me to run in there, flush the toilet and run back, she had pooped again and peed but this time it was liquid in a pile under her. She crawled a little, dragging it in a circle and pushing it into the cracks of the mat. So she got a bath and the mat was sterilized. And I’m officially grossed out.

The witching hour

I never claimed to be good at sewing. I told myself hey! That doesn’t look that hard, lets make 11diapers from scratch with zero experience! Well, I got the diaper pattern cut out and I’ve made 3 diapers so far. The first was all in one. It was so bulky that it was hard to sew, so I changed to a pocket design for the second one. It looks a bit better, but the third looks amazing.
Not tooting my own horn by any means. The forth will no doubt be much better, and I certainly hope so. But tonights post is not about my escapades sewing, so much as my crazy cat. He is a beautiful black and rust colored maine coon cat, with a dog brain. He begs, cuddles, licks, and darn near barks like a dog. Not really, but he meows a lot which is like a dog.
My dear friends, I come to tell you the tale of the high cat. He found the bag of catnip and began sniffing it obsessively. Some cats go crazy, and some sleep. Mine goes one step beyond crazy to criminally insane with a splash of evil.
He puffed up and pounced several times on my unsuspecting pin cushion (full of pins) and bit it savagely before shaking his head and bounding after it as it flew toward the couch. He then proceeded to bat it under the couch where I couldn’t get it. Then he decided it was time to rest and went to the project I was working on and laid on it.
Irritated that I had to search for my pins, I pushed him off the fabric and started working. I got one more line in before alas, my pins had disappeared yet again. This time he had snatched the pillow up quietly and then turned belly up and was kicking it in the air until it again flew under the couch.
But wait! I’m not finished. Now hes running back and forth from his litter box room to the living room slamming into doors and pouncing in the door handles before running back.

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This is him near my sewing stuff. He just jumped in my lap to snuggle.

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3 am..

It’s 3 am here and I’m sewing baby diapers. Yuck. I sincerely dislike sewing right now. The fabric (even pinned) keeps sliding, so the lines end up off. :/ but on the bright side, they look ok even though I totally bombed on one of them. I’m determined to make cloth diapers for my baby girl. She deserves the best…and while I can’t give her that, I’m going to do my darndest to make it as close as I can.
It’s the thought that counts right? Well, about now I’m just fighting to stay awake, so I’ll just write some in my new book and wait for my husband to get up. Should only be a few more hours, Or so…

Personality

As a mom, when you have your baby, you wonder who they will be. What their likes and dislikes are, if they will be musical or sporty, if they like art, math or science. If you have a girl, you wonder if she will be girly or a tomboy.
The best part is they start showing these personalities when they are little.
Addi appears to like shoes a lot. Now, that doesn’t mean she will be a super girly girl, but she literally crawls to them over and over since her discovery of movement yesterday. I move them farther and farther away, and still I have to pull them away from her.

Amazing

There is nothing greater than watching your child hit a new milestone. Addi just started crawling today and she prefers commando style crawling. Its so nice to know shes advancing and shes only 5.5 months old! I love this so much.

Gross

My little ray of sunshine has managed to gross me out epicly. She just sneezed, then rubbed her nose successfully coating her fingers in snot. Thats gross enough, but she proceeded to reach up and stick her fingers in my nose and drag them across my face.
I never thought id say I got attacked by the booger monster, but I did.. Icky. If she wasn’t so darn cute while doing it, I might be mad.
Then again, no, I wouldn’t. We are going to have epic battles as she grows when I.try to keep her diaper on and she takes it off and throws it poop and all at my head.  Then I may get mad.. For now though, I’ll just wash my face and give her a hug.

Sunshine

Babies are created to make our lives better. Who can honestly say a giggle or smile doesn’t make them happy, if even for a moment? I sure can’t. My daughter makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The best part is that she does things unexpectedly, so the moments are even better.
Tonight as I was getting ready to put her down to bed, she fell asleep in my arms. I just could not lay her in the bed. She had snuggled in where her head was nestled under my chin and her arms curled up under it. I stood there rocking her for several minutes just enjoying my personal nuggles. Shes such an angel.

Butterflies and spiders

I’ve been thinking about the butterfly thing. “if you kill a butterfly you can alter the future”. Honestly, who wants to kill a butterfly? Not only that, but if killing a butterfly is bad karma, then my life should be awesome.
I believe our lives can be changed not by killing a spider, but rather killing spiders. Because if that is true, I can understand the poor hands I’ve been dealt in the past. Spiders are gross creatures, useful or not, nothing should have 8 legs and be able to dangle from the ceiling whilst you walk into them unawares.
Not to mention the way they walk. It screams I’m horrifying, run away now!
I should definitely do a study…